What does love look like?

Content Warning: This blog post includes references to sexual assault and domestic violence.

Love is patient; love is kind; love is not envious or boastful or arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice in wrongdoing, but rejoices in the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends. But as for prophecies, they will come to an end; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will come to an end. For we know only in part, and we prophesy only in part; but when the complete comes, the partial will come to an end. When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child; when I became an adult, I put an end to childish ways. For now we see in a mirror, dimly, but then we will see face to face. Now I know only in part; then I will know fully, even as I have been fully known. And now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; and the greatest of these is love.
~1 Corinthians 13:4-13, New Revised Standard Version

We normally read 1 Corinthians 13 at weddings. We speak then of this glorious love and the qualities that are associated with it. The qualities of kindness and patience are pushed to the foreground and we emphasize the happiness of love as we celebrate the joyous occasion. But, while this might the first thing that you think of when you read 1 Corinthians 13, I think of something different. I think of all the people who have been subject to violence at the hands of these verses. They have been told to be patient and kind toward partners, spouses and other family members who have abused them, physically, sexually and emotionally. I think of how we, as humanity, have messed up love in such a way that people can read these verses and feel trapped in dangerous situations because they are branded as love. 

There are multiple Greek words for love in the New Testament, with ἀγάπη being the Greek word used in 1 Corinthians 13. You may have heard of it before; it is the word given in the New Testament to specifically describe the love between God and humanity. The love that is described in 1 Corinthians 13 is often paraded as the ideal form of love between humans. But, while that may be true, it is important for us to reflect upon and recognize the true nature of ἀγάπη in this passage. This passage is not talking about my love for my spouse. It is talking about God’s love for humanity. It is God’s love for us that is patient, kind, that is not envious or boastful or arrogant or rude. God’s love does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful. It does not rejoice in wrongdoing, but rejoices in the truth. God’s love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. God’s love never ends. This is the glorious love that we have been invited into, and it’s one we should reflect on with greater frequency. 

So, when I read these passages and think of those people who have been hurt and abused due to the misuse of these verses, I think of the love that God has. God’s love does not rejoice in wrongdoing. And, while God bears all things for us, we do not have to bear all things at the expense of ourselves. God wants us to flourish. God does not wish to see us in pain. We can say unequivocally that violence is not part of God’s design for our relationships. This is not God’s love. So, what is…?

Well, it’s difficult for us to describe God’s love without just describing God. In 1 John 4, we read that God is love. Therefore, anything we say about God must also be true of love, and anything we say about love must also be true of God. So, I think not just of these verses, but all of the verses in the Scriptures that speak of who God is. We cannot fathom all that they are and how they fit together, just as we cannot fathom the entirety of this love that encompasses us. We think of the actions of Jesus, a man who loved without condition, who was the embodiment of love so that all of us could encounter our Creator in a new way.

These verses in 1 Corinthians have been so frequently used in regards to weddings and romantic relationships that it has become hard for us to read them outside of that context. When we look at these verses outside of that context, we see tremendous love. One of the refrains I have been coming back to in these past few weeks is that God’s voice is kind. It is loving. And, it welcomes us all. These verses in 1 Corinthians 13 really remind me of that. We have access to a divine love that is far beyond what can be conveyed in these short verses. It’s a love that we can rarely emulate. It is only through the Holy Spirit that we can even begin to produce a similar kind of love. So, when we see a glimpse of this love in our relationships with others, we can know that God is there too. When we see kindness, we see God. When we see patience, we see God. And though, our relationships with others will face trial and eventually end, the love that God has for us will never fail.

*If you are experiencing domestic violence and need help or resources, please visit the National Domestic Violence Hotline at https://www.thehotline.org or call 1-800-799-7233.